Sunday, January 4, 2009

Help Me!!!!

--by The Couch

Okay, I know I haven't been the best couch. I know I have issues. But I like it here at the Birrd house. There's a warm, comfortable feeling in this home and I'd really like to stay here.


This friend of theirs gave them their old couch and loveseat set. I remember when the Badger told Birrd about it-- she was elated and my springs sunk. But I got my shproing back again when they realized that the couch and loveseat that had just been dropped off in their garage carried very strong evidence of the resident dogs in their former home. The Badger was all for passing them along to someone else right then and there, bless his furry hide. But the Birrd, (who is probably my worst enemy around here-- apparently I'm not aesthetic enough for her, can you believe that?)-- anyway, the Birrd said "But they're such beautiful couches! I'll just give them a good cleaning and we'll air them out for a bit and it'll be fine. I mean, this couch" (and here she cast me a baleful eye) "smelled terrible when we first brought it in."

Well, I know that Birrd. She's so busy with all those kids that I figured I would be safe for a long time. She never has time to go work on hard-core garage projects like cleaning couches. And I was right. She didn't get out there for weeks.

But, alas, eventually she did get out there. AND THEN when the family had friends over on New Year's Eve the Badger and his friend Chicken carried the loveseat inside to give it a "smell trial." Now it's sitting here in all its stylish splendor smirking at me. And I am on pins and needles! Are they going to give it a thumbs-up and boot me out door or are they going to decide that I am the couch for them after all?

I keep hearing them debating about it and it's utterly agonizing. What is to become of me?

I really like it here. Even though the kids leave books piled all over me and wipe their boogers on me, it's still a darn fun place to live. So please support me! Please tell the Birrd you think she should keep her old couch! If she hears from enough of her blog readers, maybe she will see sense! Please help!
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Sox said...

Never turn down an upgrade on free furniture. I do it all the time. Out with the really old free, in with the newer, less worn, still free. You have no idea how much free stuff we have utilized (and made money off of) during our married life. Nor how much of it has been in every time zone in the U.S. more than once!

Annalea said...

I have this awesome smell-eraser stuff, called Fresh Ayre. It's from the health food store. (Azure Standard carries it if you can't find it locally.)

Once your new furniture is smell-worthy, you can put the forlorn and anxiety-ridden couch in the basement for the boys. ;o)

Humanities said...

Dear Couch,
I think you should retire to the basement with the kids. You will find it more restful, slouching in comfort and not trying to be fancy dress up there.